I need a hug, I thought to myself as I emerged from Redemptorist Church, post-weekly novena.
The thought was followed by a deep longing for human touch, a love language I appreciate receiving. Circumstances of my life do not make this possible, though (not as often as it may be for others).
And I am actually fine with it. But, occasionally, this feeling hits me out of nowhere. We are used to it, but it can, at times, be a challenge to manage.
The ups: High as a high ceiling
I have been sort of an empty nester since 2022, when we moved to a city farther than usual from my son’s school. We decided it was healthier and more pragmatic that he stay in his school’s vicinity during the week (when he has classes).
I had never really lived alone until then, so I enjoyed the fact that I could take care of myself any way I wanted to. My space, my rules. I did not have to comply with anyone else’s schedule, or worry about being there for someone else (recovering empath here).
Based on my experience, the ups of living alone are —
- You can go through a day at your own pace
Wake up early; wake up late. Eat on schedule; eat when you’re hungry. Exercise in the morning; exercise midday (or at night). Be in bed by 6pm; go to bed at 11pm. You won’t need to explain to anyone.
- You can fix your space according to your personality
I like my space functional, and I love that my books take center stage. My exercise equipment occupies a critical space so I have no excuse not to use them. My bed is on the floor, and I am happy that it is.
- You can hear yourself think (and speak hahaha)
I am an introvert, and so alone time is not necessarily lonely. I have just gotten back to the habit of meditating and journaling in the morning. I can hear my thoughts and be attuned to my inner voice.
Sometimes I also talk to myself out loud, especially when my morale is down. I hype myself because, really, who else will push you and take care of yourself but you?
What you need
Living solo is not just a good exercise in independence; it is also a good exercise in self-care.
I have made sure that I have:
- Animals to protect me and keep me company (sometimes we talk)
- Fire extinguishers (one is in my bedroom in case I have to use it to exit the room and then the house)
- CCTVs with a view of the gate, the back laundry area, and my living space (with SD cards that record the last 24 hours)
- A reliable Internet connection for my CCTVs, to communicate with loved ones, and for my health wearables to log data
- Water storage especially now that it’s summer and the water pressure can get weak (during pipe repairs, supply also gets cut off)
I am a deep sleeper, and having all of these allows me to fall asleep peacefully at night.
I also:
- Oil my water pump, fans, and exercise equipment weekly
- Order drinking water weekly (two gallons at a time)
- Stock up on food weekly (not always practical to cook for one)
- Get my supplements and medication good for a month
- Chat with neighbors when the opportunity is there
I have a trusty complete tool box within reach. If I am not confident about using a tool, I ask for help, and people who can help come.
The downs: No man is an island
It happens that — whether you have a good or a bad day — it helps to have someone to talk about it with. When you come home to an “empty” house, the silence could really be deafening.
Good thing my best friend gave me a bluetooth amp as a gift, so it won’t always be too quiet.
It also happens that anxiety will attack, because life is unpredictable. But I have managed this by arranging my files (including my St. Peter plan) so they can be easily found.
My faith also kicks in: Things happen as they should.
To cope with feelings of isolation and helplessness, I would watch gigs. I am blessed to live near a top gig venue, and also to have friends in the industry who care.
I am part of a Facebook community called Solo Living PH Hub, and asked the members how solo living has been good for their health and well-being.
Here are three answers I received:
“Having a physical place where it’s just you and your thoughts can really unearth anything you’ve tried to bury.
One quiet morning or night, you might find yourself in a state of catharsis, crying tears that have always wanted to fall.
When it’s all out in the open, it’s only then can you actually get started on fixing parts of you that would have been left to rot.” (Robert James)
“I was given the opportunity to live away from a toxic family — and I grabbed it right away.
Having my own space has given me a kind of peace I never thought I’d experience. Real peace. No more walking on eggshells or constantly feeling emotionally drained. I can finally breathe without fear, make choices without guilt, and exist without the weight of constant chaos.
There’s no drama, no tension — just silence that heals. My life now feels more like me. I get to move at my own pace, focus on healing, and grow into the person I’m meant to be.” (Chinky De Los Reyes)
“Living solo makes you really grow up and reach a new level of maturity. It shows you your real character because it forces you to think and decide for yourself.
It made me realize my own strengths and weaknesses. It also taught me about budgeting and being wise in spending my time and energy.
The one negative thing about living solo is that you also have to do everything on your own. You don’t have a choice but to pick yourself up when you’re sick or too tired. You have to do the chores because, if not, your space will start to rot and affect your mental health too.” (Rachelle Lim-Salvador)
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